The morning of the 23rd was tough.  He didn't know what day it was let alone the importance of it.  I was torn between telling him that it was his anniversary so he could wish to Mum in his head, or, letting the day pass.  I chose to let the day pass.

He was slow to wake up, I watched to check he was breathing.  Finally, he managed to sit up but he didn't touch his breakfast.  As the day progressed, he seemed to improve a little.  The Stars Team from Northwick Park Hospital have been visiting daily.  These guys are from another planet, I know they are risking their lives coming but none of them have any compassion, zero, nada.  Today's chap was dressed in more gear than as if he was going to the moon, who can blame him really?  He managed to take some blood from Dad and do his stats.  I am wondering the need as he is point blank refusing to go back into hospital.  He said "they will never ever get me to go back there!"

I've exchanged the Stars group with a palatable care worker who I have chatted to on the phone, she is lovely, much more what we need right now.  My doctor, Dr Liz has been remarkable, you know when your Doctor gives you their personal number things must be tough.

How am I feeling?  Still shaking, can't smell or taste anything even though my nose isn't blocked.  Feet freezing, chest hurting, blood pressure far to high.  But, calm at the moment.  It comes in waves, the grief but I'm well aware that it's not sunk in, she is still here after all.

Robin's been arranging the funeral, he has delayed it a couple of times but now we have a date of 9th April 2020 @ 2.15.  Well, my next sentence is the most bizarre .... We will have to run a Webcast which means you will be able to watch as the service happens on line.  I will send out a username and password to friends and family and between 14.10 and 14.55 you will be able to be there with us.  The funeral is at Breakspear Ruislip.  Let's prey that we are well enough to go..  Can't see through the tears x