Well, it's another day

Me

I'm doing OK, started to do a little housework but after hoovering half the stairs I'm exhausted!  Still coughing a bit and have no taste or smell and a blinding evening headache, other than that I seem to be fine.

Officially I'm allowed out now, I took an emergency trip to Tesco in the early hours of the morning to get a prescription for Dad.  This was my first venture out of the house in three weeks except for a small walk with the dogs the other day.

It was like stepping out into another dimension, the main Rickmansworth Road silent, the odd car drove past me, driver and passengers wearing masks.  The air was so still and the birds sounded so loud, the air was cold - like a different planet.  Nothing sounded familiar.

I walked slowly to Tesco to find a queue outside, people standing 2 metres apart from each other as directed, heads down, no eye contact, like each and every person had leprosy.  There was no conversation, no warmth, no hassle or bussle.  There was a security guard on the door, he was massive, he was monitoring how many people were in and out of the store.  As I was just collecting a prescription and unable to stand for too long, I was allowed straight in.  Standing at the pharmacy behind the yellow stripped line, the pharmacist talked at me from afar behind her plastic screen.  Not allowed to handle cash I had to pay 50p with my card for a sample pot!

I gave my beautiful Dahlia a huge list for Tesco for me, we chatted on the phone whilst she was pulling into the superstore in Watford where she is working, she said is was crowded, she was horrified at how many people were there, she has seen groups of teenagers together, cyclists stopping to chat, people just not taking this seriously enough, when it is all so close to home or indeed, in your home, it is real, very very real.

Dad

Dad has a UTI and yesterday fell out of bed and has damaged a couple of his ribs, most likely cracked, now on antibiotics and more discomfort he is sleeping a lot, exhausted.  He has lost a stone, now weighing 8st 7lb but he is starting to eat which is encouraging.  We did some paperwork today and managed to get a few things sorted.  I can't let him drive his car anymore, this is going to be a struggle, not only is his eyesight not good enough his hearing is also impaired.

Small cup of coffee and some malt loaf delivered with a tiny bit of butter.

My wonderful Doctor Liz called us, she is incredible, she calls regularly and supports us all, you would think we were the only people on her books.  I honestly don't know what we would do without her.  I have registered Dad and she has been with us 100% through all of this - I can't thank her enough.

Savannah

With I believe the help of the homeopathic medicine that has been sent to us (many many thanks), Savannah is doing a lot better today, she is up and about and although tired she is coping really well, it is so lovely to see her spark coming back.  She has been an absolute angel looking after the family, she is my strength and no words can express my love for her.  I'm just pleased that I have been well enough to help her when she needed me.  Not long now and our household will get stronger and stronger.

I received a beautiful message from my friend yesterday, I want to share it with you as she has put a link to a beautiful song that she is singing, she has the voice of an angel and the heart of one too.  Thank you Viv for your kindness and your love.

Hello Beth

Here is a song I hope you’ll like. It’s in Scots Gaelic, all about the birds that sing at dawn. It’s a worksong, that women sang to accompany their pounding of tweed (which they’d previously woven on looms in their cottages). All this happened in the western isles of Scotland. I learnt how to pronounce this from my friend Talitha, who’s singing in the choruses.

I’ve been thinking about you such a lot. I read your blog. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. Strange inability to act, but my heart is full of love & gratitude for you. I love & admire you so much - so many reasons: you’re an activist, you do first; you create beauty with everything you do; you have a huge heart, which will reach out to others, often at the expense of yourself; you are braver than anyone I know - even in being open about your frailty - this is brave; what you do makes a massive difference to so many people, and many people’s lives are so much better because of you. You are a joy, a beautiful gem, a great soul.

So much love to you Beth 💓
Vivien xxx

https://youtu.be/3BS6CtD0q-U?list=OLAK5uy_nFok-bx70CX4moMmdEPvruBVCuw3ibVKE

I've been asked by many to continue my blog when I can so....

Well, it's been a few days and Fuck, what a few days it's been.  Whilst my body is starting to recover, the grief has pretty much taken over.  I don't seem to be able to stop crying and I just don't know where all the tears are coming from.  Over my lifetime, I've have a fair share of things to cry about but this is beyond any pain or any emotion or any feeling I have ever experienced.

My mind keeps going back to the night at the hospital, when I kicked the floor over and over and over again and I howled like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.  I had nobody with me, no nurse to comfort me, not a soul.   I thought may be a doctor would at least come and say the time of death but I remember looking at my watch so that I knew, only I knew.  8'O clock Saturday.  8' O clock.

When I was younger, Mum used to work with her Dad as a hairdresser in a London salon in Piccadilly called Rusbies. Every Saturday, without fail, Poppa would come to the house to collect Mum to go to the Saloon, he would always stand at the bottom of the stairs and shout up at Mum.... "It's 8'O clock Laul, it's 8 O'clock Laul"  I can hear him now and remember how although early on a Saturday morning, I loved to hear him.

It felt, that at 8 o'clock on Saturday 14th March in the hospital when I looked at my watch, my Poppa was calling her.  It's 8'O clock Laul, It's 8 o'clock Laul.

Mum cut the hair of some really famous people, actresses like Vivienne Westward, Vivienne Van Dame, The famous singer Eddie Fisher and the infamous Elizabeth Taylor, there were many more, she has all their autographs in a little book. At 10 years old,  I remember going with Mum every Saturday to work with her.  I used to sweep up the cutting and hand rollers to the real hairdressers, then the pins, one after another after another.  I got the most tips, at the till there was this little metal box with slots along the top with the hairdressers names on them, I had my name on one, it meant I was a real hairdresser and mine was always the fullest.

As I got older, I was allowed to wash the clients hair, I used to love this as I got more tips than ever.  I stood on a box so I was tall enough to reach and I remember all the smells, sprays, perfumes and chatter that echoed around the room.  In time, I was taught how to cut, set and do a demi waves.  Mum always cut my hair of course, she knew I was pregnant with Savannah before I even knew!!! I remember her telling me that she could tell when her clients were pregnant too, from the change in their hair.. she was good!

I made tea's and coffees, chatted and heard about all the shows that were on in the West End, once or twice Mum took me to a show with complimentary tickets she was given.

It was a happy time, only Mum didn't really enjoy being a hairdresser, her aspiration was to be a nurse.  She would have made a good one, she knew more about medicine than our GP from personal experience more than study.`

Today, Sunday 29th March and although there has been a flurry of snow, I went for a walk with Savannah.  The wind cleared my head a little and it was the first time that I have ventured out of the house in 9 days.  It was beautiful.  The grass green, the sky blue the air bitterly and beautifully cold against my skin, for the first time in days I felt I could breathe.

We didn't walk for long, both of us exhausted but on the way back I stopped off at Noshers to find something that I thought Dad would eat.  Smoked Salmon, fish balls, bagels and a potato Ludka and just a couple of New Greens back to his Jewish roots.  If he doesn't eat this then I give up!

He had a banana yesterday and a bowl of soup, progress indeed and, I got a thank you which is a massive improvement from being shouted at and told to go away.

I still have absolutely no sense of smell or taste, everything tastes the same, I don't like it!  However, as I am typing this in the office, the cat has used the litter tray.  Can't smell a thing... every cloud and all that.

I still feel like I've been kicked in the back by a horse, the pain is really still quite bad, it feels a little lower than my lungs now like it's making it's way down, maybe when it gets to my feet I can stamp on the bastard.

Poor Savannah is asleep and my friend Judith sounds like she is coming down with it now, she was with us a couple of weeks ago.  I'll be fit enough soon to help others.  Stay safe guys, stay home and be creative.  I love you all. xxx

I've slept most of the day, a lovely chat with my Sarah I'm not sure was in my dreams or real.  To hear the sound of her voice in my head is so comforting, always there for me, always.

Dad's slept most of the day too, he had a little soup at lunchtime and a cup of coffee but nothing more.  He is so weak and so sad, we wants nothing except his wife.

I've missed Mum so much today, I miss her everyday.

We did manage to get Dad out in the garden for 10 minutes, sitting in the sun we thought would do him some good.  Robin called and talked him through some virtual tai chi, as soon as Dad her the words chi kung it was almost like his subconscious took over and he listened and obeyed Robins words, it was quite remarkable to see and literally warmed my heart.

Me, well, exhausted and my back and head pretty bad today.  I think the medication from the doctor has actually taken my blood pressure too low, I'll keep any eye on it over the next few days.

This evening at 8pm I stood outside the front door and clapped for the NHS.  So many were doing the same, we could hear everyone clapping and whooping and it was surreal but so comforting, a pretty special couple of minutes.  I came in exhausted, literally unable to make it back up the stairs.

Today, my heart and my soul feel broken, I'm on edge and can't see the light, I'm chocking back the tears and don't think I will be able to do this again for a while.  It's helped to write, it's pretty good therapy for me, I don't think anyone is reading it anyway.  Who knows, maybe tomorrow things will look better xxx

I've lost count of the days, I think it may be either Tuesday or Wednesday who knows and quite frankly who cares.

I've been lying in my bed pretty much unable to move as the pain in my lungs is still debilitating to say the least, I feel like a little old lady.  The worst thing is when I am watching something on the laptop, currently 'Glee', every so often I can see my own fucking reflection, well it doesn't look like me but I guess it must be because I am definitely alone.

My lovely doctor called me this morning to see how we were doing.  I told her I had been too scared to take my blood pressure so she told me to do it with her whilst we were on the phone, 206/116 big ol numbers.  She immediately prescribed me another medication to take on top of the ones i'm already taking, hopefully that will do the trick.

Dad... he is like a skeleton in the bed.  Not eaten now in almost two weeks, just a few sucks of an orange and a quarter of a bit of cheese.  A palliative care nurse came to see him today.  He was rude, even though she was really pretty under her mask.  It took her almost 20 minutes to establish that he does actually want to live.  At least I think that was the conclusion.  I felt better if not more exhausted.  I seem void of emotion just going from day to day not knowing what to expect, I'm not sleeping well, up at 3am, more Glee - even the awful American accents and the voice over singing doesn't seem to be bothering me.

Savannah is now suffering really badly with her back.  Luke and Cassidy have taken the dogs for a walk and she needs a hot water bottle.  I made my way into the kitchen to put on the kettle and successfully made her a bottle and a cuppa for me.  I couldn't get back up the stairs, she couldn't come down - we were at a bit of a stale mate!  Eventually, we met somewhere in the middle, I handed her the bottle arms outstretched, along with a wee chocolate and we both just got stuck, on the stairs like Kermit the frog... we weren't at the bottom and we weren't at the top, but this is the place where we always stop.

More beautiful friends dropping off food, Clare bringing home made curry and rice along with homeopathic medicines was a God send along with Dahlia's emergency bag full of what seems like the entire content of Tesco's.  To put my hand up at the window next to hers was so sad, yet so special.  Judith's homemade soups full of goodness, cat food deliveries from new friends, phone calls with Jane which have literally saved my life along with text messages that I've yet even to read. Everyone, just everyone has been so kind, so understanding - I'm truly blessed to have you all in my life.

So, girls have just blocked up the toilet upstairs - well, this will be interesting, no way I can do that!  The cat has literally sprayed cat litter all over the office floor and pooed all over the edge of the tray and over the broom.... sorry, can't do that either!  Poor Luke, I bet he wished he had stayed in Australia now!

The morning of the 23rd was tough.  He didn't know what day it was let alone the importance of it.  I was torn between telling him that it was his anniversary so he could wish to Mum in his head, or, letting the day pass.  I chose to let the day pass.

He was slow to wake up, I watched to check he was breathing.  Finally, he managed to sit up but he didn't touch his breakfast.  As the day progressed, he seemed to improve a little.  The Stars Team from Northwick Park Hospital have been visiting daily.  These guys are from another planet, I know they are risking their lives coming but none of them have any compassion, zero, nada.  Today's chap was dressed in more gear than as if he was going to the moon, who can blame him really?  He managed to take some blood from Dad and do his stats.  I am wondering the need as he is point blank refusing to go back into hospital.  He said "they will never ever get me to go back there!"

I've exchanged the Stars group with a palatable care worker who I have chatted to on the phone, she is lovely, much more what we need right now.  My doctor, Dr Liz has been remarkable, you know when your Doctor gives you their personal number things must be tough.

How am I feeling?  Still shaking, can't smell or taste anything even though my nose isn't blocked.  Feet freezing, chest hurting, blood pressure far to high.  But, calm at the moment.  It comes in waves, the grief but I'm well aware that it's not sunk in, she is still here after all.

Robin's been arranging the funeral, he has delayed it a couple of times but now we have a date of 9th April 2020 @ 2.15.  Well, my next sentence is the most bizarre .... We will have to run a Webcast which means you will be able to watch as the service happens on line.  I will send out a username and password to friends and family and between 14.10 and 14.55 you will be able to be there with us.  The funeral is at Breakspear Ruislip.  Let's prey that we are well enough to go..  Can't see through the tears x

To write gives me someone to tell, even if this is never read, it weirdly gives me comfort.  My emotions are totally shot, I don't know how to feel anymore.  My Dad, the man who cared for his family like no other, is in my sons bedroom struggling to survive.  I know the next stage of this is the hardest and I don't think he has the strength.  He hasn't eaten in two weeks.

This morning, I made him soft boiled eggs, a sprinkling of salt and a little bit of bagel toasted on the side (with just a scraping of butter he would say if he had the strength).  I prepared it in the same was as I did for my children when they were little, heck, I still do this for Cassidy some mornings before school.  I've left it on the side like I have every day for the past week, hoping that he will at least try.  I have learnt over the days that I can't ask him anything, If I do, he tries to shout at me and tells me to leave him along.  I'm shaking now whilst typing this, I woke initially thinking I felt better, and I do, but it is still here. Shall I go in and check on him? Will he still be breathing? Will he be cross if I ask him to take the paracetamol or try an egg?  His breathing is laboured now, I knew it would be, he isn't trying to cough up all the phlegm that is building up inside his lungs.  His stats yesterday were at 92 good for Mum with COPD, not good for him. 

My kids are starting to struggle, Cassidy and Luke stayed up till 4pm playing games, I think Fortnight.   Thank God I have enough energy to make myself a cuppa as I couldn't wake them, I feel happier that they are sleeping, maybe when they wake up things will look better?  I keep thinking that this all sounds so dramatic, I keep thinking that these words and thoughts are made up in my head, but it's all real, I was never very good at writing stories anyway.

My pile of kittens is getting bigger everyday, they are just over two weeks old, purring and starting very slowly to wander from their nest.  Jessie the dog loves this, she rounds them up like a little tiny sheep dog, her favourite time is when Amber goes outside for some fresh air so that she can take the 'Mummy' lead.  

I hope my Brothers OK  He has been one of my rocks throughout all this madness.  He has had a fever and Rachel has shut him in his own room and wont let him out.  Robin said that she is sliding matzo under the door as it's the only thing that fits.  Rachel is very high risk and she mustn't just mustn't get this, she is quite frankly terrified, like us all.  I've been calling Robin, he has been so supportive, caring and loving and doing all he can from afar.  Those who know us well will understand the bond we have.

I've open my blinds in my room, Mum just told me to.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing and a plane just flew by.  I wonder who's in it and where it's going as most airports are closed. I can hear Amber mewing at the back door along with her male friend I do believe, I do hope she can't get pregnant again whilst she is feeding?  

To go up and down the stairs feels like I've just walked another 5k of The Great Wall of China, in fact, that was easier!  But I have to go and let her in.

The crows are loud.  I keep looking out for a sign for Mum.  My friend Alison swears that whenever she sees a Robin Red Breast that it's her Mum coming to say hello.  I was sitting at my desk in the office for a moment yesterday, saying hello to my bearded dragon when something hit the window hard, I think it was a bee, it could have been a bird, it could have been a sign from Mum but I'll never know - how do you 'believe'? 

The view outside my bedroom window is one of my favourites, nobody knows this.  I must have a hundred photos of sunrises and any time of the day shots of the two tall trees that I look at every day of my life.   It's even more beautiful now that the massive Spruce that took most of my light in my room and the rest of the house to be honest has been cut down by the neighbours.  I've wind-chimes in my trees, I love to hear them but always wonder what the neighbours think, many tiimes I thought I should cut the tinkling, especially in high winds, but maybe, just maybe that sound can be Mum?

The fresh air coming into my room is wonderful, my lungs feel cooler and less angry today, Robin said that I am suffering with Shock Lung  (Acute respiratory insufficiency syndrome), I went to look this up but then quite quickly changed my mind.  I have lost my sense of taste and smell completely, this just happened last night when I couldn't taste a square of Green & Blacks chocolate so I didn't finish it - unheard of, even at my sickest!  I know when you have the flu or a cold you can't taste but isn't that just because you are bunged up with cold?  My airways are clear, well, my nose is anyway.

I'm feeling pretty weak again, my brother now has the virus and I am trying to get him to come here so that we can take care of him so he is away from Rachel.  He is as stubborn like his Dad so I doubt he will listen to me either.

It's hard to respond to close family and be truthful.  I don't like negativity and my Dad has always taught me that 'things will pass' right now, it's very difficult to withhold.   I always knew that Dad wouldn't live without Mum but I am praying that it doesn't end this way. Today is their 63 Wedding Anniversary.

Poor Savannah, she suffers with a bad back but helping get her Pa up the stairs after he collapsed in my driveway has truly aggravated it, she is walking around the house like an elderly woman desperately trying to help.  She has taken some pretty strong pain killers but nothing is alleviating the pain.  She also has the onset of a sore throat.

I have been praying, so many prayers, so many people doing the same.  It's like that film God Almighty where all the emails come through and so many voices in his head that he doesn't know which one to answer first.  The whole world is praying right now.

I've enough strength to sit in the office for a few minutes, my feet freezing still and no sense of taste or smell at all.  My cough seems much better, not so chesty and my breathing only painful because of the pain in my lungs.  I know it's not the same but I know just a little of what Mum was going through.

Dad has had a little to eat, I've finally managed a few phone calls to family.  They feel totally helpless as do we.

My kids are downstairs cooking together, I overheard them organizing who was going to peel the spuds and who was going to grate the cheese, hearing them together, working as a team is the only thing I really need to hear.

OK.. need to revert back to laptop on bed.. this too much..

First blog since 2012 and struggling for a title

We didn’t and couldn’t let Mum die alone.  After fighting for many many years to stay alive for us we had to say goodbye to her on the 14^th March 2020 a date that will never be forgotten and a year that will never be forgotten in history.

Mum was tested positive, I believe now, a blessing as she went quickly, calmly and peacefully. Both Dad who is 85 and myself 54 now have the virus and my brother Robin 58 has just come down with a fever.

I think I am about a week or so in, maybe 4 days with severe symptoms. 

I can taste it, I can taste the virus in my mouth and I can hear it in my head, my ears hurt and my eyes are sore, I keep thinking I have hairs or sand in them.  My eyelids are heavy and the only things I  am physically able to move right now, are my fingers to type.  When I close my eyes I see shapes I have never seen before, it is the strangest of things, groups of triangles lit up, sharp spear type objects shooting past my vision.  My ear, just one hurts, it feels like it is listening out for the virus that is literally invading my body.

We were in the room with Mum and two other ladies who had been tested positive, this room, this hospital ward was where my life changed forever.  As Mum took her last breathe, nothing could prepare me for the pain that ran through my body, I was alone with her.  Robin ran Dad home as exhaustion and upset was totally overwhelming for him but they had been gone a matter of moments before Mum took her last breath.  Every time I close my eyes I replay, so I don’t close my eyes much, sleep is truly difficult.

I wanted to put something down in writing, this is a message to everyone, to ensure you stay home and take every precaution you can.  I know that everyone is bombarding with news and information but if there is something in my words that can help a single soul then it will be worth it.

My symptoms

I have a chesty cough, yup not dry.  I can feel the virus cruising through every single cell in my body and I will not let the fuckers get me.  I’ve felt sick, my chest hurting. Had diarrhoeh, dry throat (I can taste the bastard), hot and cold sweats, a fever like I’ve never experienced, now I think 5 days in my lungs feel like they are on fire.  It’s hard to move, like no flu I have ever had, my mind feels clear yet muddled, my lungs and chest feel clear yet compressed.  Paracetamol and breathing up steam with a little Vicks vapour feels good.

Meanwhile, my Dad is in Luke’s room.  He is frail and weak and every time I struggle up out of my bed to check on his I don’t know if he would have stopped breathing .  A little wave of a couple of fingers tells me that he is hanging in, but I don’t think he wants to.  On the 23^rd March 2020 they would have been married for 63 years.  A marriage that was so strong, a marriage that you could only dream about.  When we had called the paramedics to the house for mum, one asked Mum some questions to check on her alertness, when she pointed at Dad, she asked Mum who he was, she replied “That man is my life”.

Dad is refusing food, pain relief and any comfort we can give him seems futile.  He cant move from the bed and we have no help.  They sent him home from the hospital in a hospital vehicle with an untrained driver as no other way was possible.  The hospital are at breaking point and at the time must have thought Dad was fit enough to send home.  He collapsed on the drive.  I thought he had died.  The driver was worse than useless.  Savannah and Luke came rushing to help and they managed to get him in the house in the wheelchair.  We didn’t know what to do, Dad with chronic stomach pain unable to stand we had to get him upstairs.  This is where my daughter Savannah took complete control.  The girl deserves a medal, she took control, she took control and they managed to get him into bed.

There are no words to describe how incredible my kids have been, we managed to get Luke home from Australia literally hours before they closed to boarders for six months.  It is a blessing that he is with us now, to have all three of them back together, my team.

I know, and it pains me so much that they will no doubt go down with this virus soon.  I prey that I will be strong enough to look after them and that my Dad pulls through.  It has been difficult to give any news that isn’t positive, it goes against every cell in my body so please forgive us for not answering your messages, right now I am too exhausted to talk but beyond that, I need and we need to keep calm and positive to get through the next few weeks.

We have Joey and Jessie, Amber and four adorable kittens who have all be our salvation in all of this.  My friends have been delivering food parcels and my fridge has never been so full, cards and flowers have converted my home into a florist and I am eternally grateful.  The sun is shining, the kittens are suckling and I will beat this fucker of a virus so that I will be able to help others.

  

Pins and needles in my hands and feet is a feeling I remember well, It will pass.

My biggest challenge right now is my Dad, the man who spent his entire life looking after my Mum through her illnesses and taking care of me and Robin most of the time too.  He never questioned, he never faltered as a Dad to us whilst we were growing up, nobody could wish for a finer man.  If we needed anything, he was there, laughter was our biggest medicine, making us laugh so much that we couldn’t breathe.  I remember dinner time with us around the table together and Dad telling me that I wouldn’t be able to drink any of my water from my glass, I challenged him to this, I thought it was an easy bet, however, he made me laugh so much every time I put the rim of the glass to my lips that I never was able to take a sip – all he said was “apricots” and that word makes me laugh whenever I hear it.

Now, this man won’t accept my help, I hear Mum in my head telling me to help him, she is shouting at me but when I do, Dad shouts at me to... to leave him alone.  I won’t give up, I swear to God I will do everything in my power to bring that man back to health – through thick and thin I’ll fight for him.

The house is quiet, I’ve been up all night, I managed to talk to Brigitte in Australia, she is calming and thoughtful and awake, a voice of reason and understanding.

The world is a frightening place right now, I don’t need to tell you that, but, what you need to hear, is, please stay home, it’s like nothing else I’ve ever experienced, if you get it, sip warm drinks regularly, take Vit C, zinc and magnesium if you can get any.  Lemon & honey and paracetamol and rest, tell the fucker that it’s not welcome and make a full recovery.

I am lucky, I have an incredible family, my children have been out of this world, caring for us and being so strong, my friends, well nobody could wish for such amazing friends, oh god, this is sounding like an obituary, well it’s not, I swear.  I will fight whatever is put in front of me, I am stronger than I thought, braver than I think and I have my Mum's strength inside of me.  Those who knew her know, she is a strength to be reckoned with.

I’ve cried so much but feel It isn’t real, I am sure to wake up soon anyway and this nightmare will be gone.

So, this brings me onto this morning, coughing, ears ringing, feet freezing, electric blanket and heating on full.  Savannah has a sore throat and I’ve managed to boil the kettle for her so she can breathe in some steam.  I believe this virus doesn’t like heat and if you catch it quick the steam can kill it in the nasal passages. Cassidy and Luke sleeping.

A small breakthrough this morning, I changed tact with Dad, I entered the room telling him that I know he is a very smart man so he knows that if he doesn’t eat he wont have the strength to watch Red Dwarf.  He agreed to a small amount of warm Shreddies which is the first thing he has had since coming out of hospital.  He is like a skeleton, so so frail and weak, my Dad, Tai Chi Master and the fittest 85 year old I have known.

I spoke to my friend Jane whose husband has been trapped in South Africa, they have closed the boarders and won’t allow him out.  The locals are beating up the English and Europeans as they are being blamed for bringing the virus into their country.  It is a war, a war where we can’t see the enemy.

If you have the strength, call old friends, call new friends, speak to family you haven’t spoken to in a while, make amends, instead of fighting, let this bring us closer together as a nation, be thoughtful and understanding of each others needs, we are all struggling in our own way, each of us different, think before you say anything that may upset those who are working hard to help.  Take it from me, to help someone with the Corona virus when you have the Corona virus is a testament to my own strength – who would have thought, little Beth could kick it’s arse.

My Daughter Savannah gave me a card for Mothers Day, It’s OK, I don’t know why it’s OK but I feel calm, it may have been the giant bottle of Baileys that she managed to find left on a shelf or just the fact that I loved my Mum each and every day that she breathed so today is just another day.  She is within me, she is helping me fight and she will always be by my side.

This is where I miss my ex husband, yup, I miss him most days.  At times like this he is the one I want to talk to, I want so much to believe in his philosophy and in many ways I do but.... there always seems to be a but...

Blog 123 - Couple of Videos of China.. enjoy x

Finally managed to find a way to upload a few of my videos from China, with the help of my dear friend Richard who managed to find some hidden files that they were lurking in AND fix my computer that I have been without for two weeks... WE LOVE RICHARD ...

I hope that you enjoy them and they are a great end to my trip and to my China Blogging!

We raised over £117,000.00 for Marie Curie Cancer Care - not only was it the most amazing experience I have ever had, it will make the lives of many people a litter easier.

I just want to thank each and every one of you who have donated towards my challenge and especially to my children who supported me and managed to survive (just) without me for 9 days.

Just to warn you that it sounds like I am having a little too much of a good time in these clips!!!!

My next challenge will be The Grand Canyon, tougher than ever in 2014 - If anyone fancies joining me on this trip - the more the merrier.

Blog 122- 13 year old boys!!!!

My son's 13, oh my dear!

The hormones raging round,

Looking on my computer 

you can imagine what I found!

Parental lock, oh really!!

It doesn't seem to hold,

there it was in print

PORN HUB - BIG AND BOLD!

I called him up, he faltered

I think he realized why,

I had to be so careful,

"get out of this son... go on.... try!"

So, asking him quite frankly,

What's this I see on here?

"I'm 13 mother, quite frankly,

be pleased that I'm not queer! 

I'm sorry son... not good enough,

your excuse is rather poor...

OK Mum, how's this....

I found something in "your" drawer!

I had no answer for him

We will talk about this later!

mental note to self: next time -

"must hide my..... things in a safer place !"

Beth 

October 2012