Blog 119 : Night of Day 7 - X-Factor & Very Wet Knickers!

Another early start after a hysterical evening of X-Factor.... This is something that I just don't think I can describe in words as it was the funniest thing I have ever experienced.

On the spot we were performing.  42 torches shining at us from a height as it was "Beth & Andrew, come on you two... your turn to entertain us"  With not a clue what we were going to perform, we headed for "Centre Stage". 

I looked at Andrew and he looked at me in despair and somehow it transpired that we were going to have a go at a ventriloquist dummy act!  Guess who was the dummy?... well, that wasn't hard was it?

Andrew then proceeded to shove his hand up my top (it was cold) and I think I jumped so high that you know the inevitable happened.. I was laughing so much that I couldn't breathe and I certainly couldn't stop myself from actually wetting myself.. All the talk on the lead up to this trip, all the pelvic floor exercises and all the Tenna Ladies in Boots couldn't have helped with the flow at that point... my legs crossed, I staggered about and everyone thought it was part of the show but it was to stop the puddle building on the floor!  Someone, I don't know who, passed me a chair to sit on - thank the lord!  I sat down (trousers wet through) and continued with the act praying that nobody would notice the impending wet patch as it trickled down my legs!



"Now", Andrew said sternly, hand still up my top! "I am going to drink this bottle of beer whilst my dummy says the Chinese Alphabet backwards..." Well - that just about did me in didn't it... I laughed till I thought I was going to die in a puddle of urine!  I took his glasses from his face, slapped him about a little, gave him a wet willy (wet finger in the ear) and tried to strangle one of the panel of judges.. (I think it was Louis) in an attempt to distract everyone from my increasing embarrassment!  People were crying with laughter and I was peeing with laughter.  Unfortunately, or fortunately for me, we didn't make it to the judges houses!  Thank the lord!!!


Apparently there are photos and a video somewhere, I will consider sharing in another blog!


Aside from us, we had Laura who sang beautifully (and won), Our Camelot girls acting out a dog and trainer sketch which was hysterical, a strip tease by Laura's girls and some very exotic dancing, a rendition of 10 green bottles by Hannah and Nikki and some Irish Dancing! With all this and a visit from a flying stick insect and a pray mantis which freaked everyone out, it was a brilliant night and one I will not forget in a hurry - how ever much I will try!



At 8am, after a hearty breakfast prepared by our local crew (yum, Chinese again) we headed off for a walk towards Mt. Simatai.  Unlike others sections that we ventured, this had been reconstructed, it was actually like walking on a proper wall!!!!   This section has been included in the UNESCO list of World Cultural Heritage sites and labelled as "The Primitive Great Wall".

His face did "light" up - I promise!

We went in a circuit and ventured through two villages.  One of our ladies had made an array of little knitted teddies for the local children (Sarah... we should have thought of this - much more useful than knitted blue tits!).  To see the children's faces was just amazing, their little eyes lit up as they clutched their wee teddies tightly, we could feel the warmth and love from the mother's by their sides.  Which reminds me of our cable car adventure.

Jo and I took a ride on a cable car.  She was feeling unsteady and unwell so I joined her on a journey up to the edge of the wall.  It looked like the cars were attached with just a small bit of string and I was nervous, really nervous, not dissimilar to the feeling I had in New Zealand when I bungee jumped from 100ft... this was worse - they played soft mellow, calming, just about to die, piped music to you as you travelled along the very thin wire above the trees and mountains... my heart was literally in my mouth, I felt it thumping so hard that I was worried it may pop out of my chest... I sat next to a charming Chinese Lady and her Son.  The little boy had never seen a Westerner before and he couldn't take his eyes off me, he was probably worried that I would wet myself, or worse still pass out and die!  He kept touching my skin and smiling to make me feel better - the lady said "you my new best friend", I clutched her hand tightly a little worried that I was stopping her blood flow as I thought it may be the last bit of human contact that I would ever feel and said "NO, NO, NO... YOU, are MY, best friend".